


Lonely

by sstwinz



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, One Shot, Sad, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 02:51:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sstwinz/pseuds/sstwinz
Summary: Thomas feels lonely, but he would never admit that to anyone. That is, until a certain maid comes in, offering up a kindness that might be too much for him to bear.Originally written in 2015!





	Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set ambiguously in the beginning of season 5 of Downton Abbey!
> 
> Smoking is mentioned in the story as a forewarning!

Thomas entered the Servant's Hall and sighed with relief upon finding it empty. Running one hand through his hair, he moved over to the far corner of the room and lit a cigarette. After a few seconds, he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. For a while, he was able to lose himself in the steady puffing of the smoke as his warm breath filtered past his fingers.

He came back to the present as he heard footsteps clicking into the hall. He cracked open his eyes, preparing himself for some sort of confrontation, but instead Anna, the lady's maid, walked in alone and headed straight to the table in the center of the room. He exhaled a breath that he didn't even notice he'd been holding. He had never gotten to know Anna as well as any of the others. She'd probably barely even notice him, and he would be left in peace again.

As the maid turned after arranging something on the table, she caught sight of the man standing against the wall and jumped back a little.

"Oh, Thomas, I mean, Mr. Barrow, I didn't see you there," she said in her bright voice. She peered around the room as if looking for someone else. "Why are you in here all alone?" she asked curiously.

Thomas paused in mid-puff to give this question a bit of thought. It had surprised him, he hadn't thought the woman would say anything to him at all. Why was he alone? The question had an easy answer, though it was a bit depressing.

"Because there's no one left," he answered curtly after a few seconds, looking at Anna with a half-smile.

Anna seemed a bit disturbed by this, and gave him a small, confused smile. "No one left? You mean, you don't have someone you can talk to if you need it?"

Thomas gave a short, humorless laugh. "Oh, Mrs. Bates, everyone else in this house has a someone. You and Mr. Bates, Baxter and Mr. Mosley, even Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes are chattering around like a pair of lovebirds. But not me. I don't have anyone that cares about me."

"What about Mrs. O'Brien, or Jimmy?" She really had noticed more about him than he'd been expecting.

"No, they never really cared about me." Thomas shook his head. "And, besides, they're both gone now. So it's just me."

Anna took a step towards him, her eyes crinkling and a slight frown on her face. She paused for a moment as if not entirely sure how to say something. 

"Don't you ever get lonely?" she finally asked in a quieter voice.

Thomas considered lying to her, but there wasn't much point to it. He didn't really know her, and she didn't seem the sort to give away people's secrets. 

"'Course I get lonely." Thomas glanced away from Anna as he said this, looking at the floor and rolling his cigarette between his fingers. He should have made one of his passing comments to make it seem like he didn't care about being all alone, but the words stuck in his throat.

"Well, do you have to be?" Anna had moved closer and seemed to be on the verge of reaching out a reassuring hand to touch him on the arm.

"Yeah, I do," Thomas looked away again and quickly stubbed out his cigarette on the edge of the table. He started walking for the door, but the woman's voice stopped him before he made it all the way out.

"If you ever feel like not being lonely anymore, you can always talk to me." She gave him a kind smile, and the corner of his lip curled in a way that didn't quite reach his eyes. He wanted to say something more, but his throat had closed up again, so he just nodded and left the room.

As he walked down the corridor, he was surprised to find that his eyes were a little wet. He felt like there was a gaping hole somewhere inside of him that he couldn't quite seem to fill. He thought of Anna's offer and the ghost of a smile flitted across his fac

But it was fleeting. Someone like Anna would never want to be friends with someone like him, no matter how sincere she had sounded. So he kept walking, ignoring the pit inside of him that had opened up again, as Anna stood in the Servant's Hall and watched the remnants of empty smoke curl up to the ceiling before fading until nothing was left.


End file.
